Russell Brand on Hoffman’s death: Insight

Insightful words from Mr Brand:

Without these fellowships I would take drugs. Because, even now, the condition persists. Drugs and alcohol are not my problem, reality is my problem, drugs and alcohol are my solution.

If this seems odd to you it is because you are not an alcoholic or a drug addict. You are likely one of the 90% of people who can drink and use drugs safely. I have friends who can smoke weed, swill gin, even do crack and then merrily get on with their lives. For me, this is not an option. I will relinquish all else to ride that buzz to oblivion. Even if it began as a timid glass of chardonnay on a ponce’s yacht, it would end with me necking the bottle, swimming to shore and sprinting to Bethnal Green in search of a crack house. I look to drugs and booze to fill up a hole in me; unchecked, the call of the wild is too strong. I still survey streets for signs of the subterranean escapes that used to provide my sanctuary. I still eye the shuffling subclass of junkies and dealers, invisibly gliding between doorways through the gutters. I see that dereliction can survive in opulence; the abundantly wealthy with destitution in their stare.

It’s 2am and

It’s 2 am and…

 The post below is faction – it is based on fact and I’ve added some fiction for good story-telling (?) measure. But the truth is that I do frequently suffer being unable to sleep in the night. I have a restless body and twitch. I toss and turn. I stay awake for hours. And this pattern may hold just for one night or two, or just recently for 5 nights without sleeping through…. So this is what I do when I can’t sleep.

 

It’s 2am and I stand in the middle of the kitchen. I am awake. How shall I go to sleep? How shall I spend the time from now until I finally feel sleep and then go to sleep?

I look around and notice the dirty crockery and pots and pans. I stack the dishwasher and wash up.

I make a hot milky drink and spread honey on some toast.

I go and watch TV.

It’s nearly 5am. I go back to bed.

I turn the radio to music. I sleep.

It’s 7.30am and I wake up. The day has started again.

 

It’s 2am and I am in the bedroom laying awake on the bed. I have moved into the spare bedroom so as not to keep my husband awake. I try to make decisions. Should I take more tablets to try and make me sleep? But I don’t have sleeping tablets just pain-killers. Will they work? And if they do will I have the world’s worst drug hang-over tomorrow? I’ve been there before and it’s not nice.

Shall I listen to music? And if so which music? Should I put on the radio and listen to Jazz or Classical Music? It is difficult to decide – and then – if I went and got my phone – I have a play-list of my favourite tunes on it – would they help?

Should I listen to my CD of Self-hypnosis on sleeping?

Shall I count numbers backwards?

So many decisions to make and just trying to choose keeps me awake.

I toss. I turn.

I plump my pillows. I turn them over. They are too hot for my cheek, too lumpy, not supporting my neck. I need fewer pillows. I need more pillows. I need softer pillows.

 I need to sleep. I’ tired. I’m yawning.

How do I fall asleep?

 

It’s 2am and I’m awake. I’m watching Catch-Up TV in the living room.

I work my way through an entire Series – every episode – 12 in total of a cop show I’ve missed.

I knit a scarf that gets longer and longer.

I hear the Grandmother clock chime the hours and the half-hours and the TV continues to play, and I continue to knit.

Tomorrow I will undo all the knitting as it is full of mistakes.

 

It’s 2am and I am reading my Kindle. I finish one book and it has a continuation story.

I go online to Amazon to buy the next in the series. I buy it, but then I decide whilst there to see if there are any more books that I might like.

I search Amazon and choose some books but using the Kindle is annoying as the back page doesn’t work on Amazon. You have to start the search again.

I am frustrated but should I go and turn the computer on? My husband would be annoyed but then he doesn’t think watching TV helps me to sleep.

I find some more books and download them.

Which shall I read next?

I try some samples.

I read the first chapters of the new books.

I make a hot drink and read more. And more. And more.

I am tired. My eyes won’t focus. I put the Kindle down.

 

It’s 2am and I’m awake.

What can I try now?

I go to the kitchen to make a hot drink.

I pull out some recipes and find the one that was very good. Pineapple and Beetroot Cake. Sounds an odd combination but we tried it as an alternative to Red Velvet made the ‘real’ way with Beetroot. It is delicious.

I decide to try my new mixer and make the cake.

I have to stay awake to bake it.

I read in the kitchen and drink some hot juice until the cake is done.

 

 

It’s 2am and I’m awake. Again!

I’m surfing the web.

I’ve looked up clothes to buy in the sales. I’ve looked at new bedlinen. I’ve even been on Amazon again and found some free books to download.

I’ve folded the laundry and I’ve tidied my desk.

I’ve looked at my email but answered nothing.

I’ve tidied my folders and deleted old files and junk mail.

I’ve researched some recommended sites and found some new ones to while away the time.

There’s a new Reading site with some good book recommendations I shall hunt through for my book club next time it’s my turn to choose.

I’m still not sleepy.

 

 

 

It’s 2am and I’m awake.

I have a short attention span at this time of the night. I find it difficult to make decisions.

What can help me sleep? Do I need some tablets from my doctor.

I research what might be good and check out what other sufferers of sleeplessness with my health problems have taken.

What about over the counter medicines?

What drugs are available?

What herbal supplements?

How can I break the cycle?

 

It’s 2am and I’m awake.

I write this blog.